So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
