matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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