how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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