Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
