so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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