I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
