It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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