you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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