My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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