found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Can you bring me the toilet please
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
