I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
