I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
