All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
