Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
