Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
