question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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