Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
