So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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