you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
