it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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