I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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