its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize