He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Never underestimate the power of titties
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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