Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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