I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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