rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
