I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize