Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
