i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Drunk is not a location!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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