I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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