I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
