just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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