is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
