Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
