I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
