what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
