It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Randomize
