i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
