How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize