WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
