whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize