$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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