He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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