I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
