First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
