Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
