There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
