The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
