I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
