listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
