Your face is a jimmy john
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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