dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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