he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
