your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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