I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
