What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
