You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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