Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
