How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
