the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
