high people should be assigned attendants
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
