youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
