pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize