Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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