make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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