one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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