i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
