He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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