I seem to have left my pride at pride
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
