I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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