Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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