too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
