So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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