I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
