god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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