xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Still dying that you shit outside
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
