But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
