I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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