i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So apparently I’m into choking now
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
