He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
