I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
