Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
